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Serving a pet is hard work and they speak a much different language than we do. Pets really are like small children; dependents who think the world revolves around them and their needs. As a result, they usually twist what we say to suit their goals of getting what they want. Here is a handy translation guide for you to make the communication process a little easier.

You aren't really going to make me move, right? #TheEyesCompelYou

You aren’t really going to make me move, right? #TheEyesCompelYou

What we say: Scoot, please.

What they hear: Please feel free to sink deeper and more comfortably into my chair. Really, I don’t mind. I’ll find a place to sit on the floor so your tenth nap of the day won’t be disturbed.

What we say: No begging.

What they hear: Continue to stare at my food with wide-eyed adoration. I will be dropping a piece of it on the floor for you in a moment so you can have a proper snack.

What we say: No.

What they hear: Do whatever you’d like. It’s your house, after all.

What we say: Bye, girl/boy.

What they hear: Get excited and bounce around in joy; you’re about to go on a ride/walk. Either that or I’m going somewhere. Don’t worry; I will be buying you something nice while I’m out.

What we say: Come here.

What they hear (if in trouble): Sit there and look at me with a sheepish expression on your face. I do not need to speak with you at all.

What they hear (if not in trouble): Come receive lots of love and petting.

What we say: Stop scratching the chair.

What they hear: Please continue to destroy my furniture. It’s easy to replace these things and the money we spent getting you nice scratching posts didn’t mean anything, as it grows on trees in the back yard. Same goes for all of the toys we purchased that you want nothing to do with.

What we say: Get off that counter/desk/etc.

What they hear: Please feel free to sit/lie down wherever you’d like. We’re just saying “get down” to hear ourselves talk. We are in no way concerned with you contaminating cooking space or breaking something we like.

What we say: Stay.

What they hear: Go ahead and run out the front door. You need space to exercise and explore. (Alternatively, they also hear this as an invitation to run in front of your feet while walking through the house. It makes things much more interesting and helps improve our reflexes. See? They’re being so helpful!)

What we say: (When taking them out to do their business in the night and snow) Hurry up and do something already, it’s cold out here.

What they hear: Please take your time sniffing and enjoying the cold air. We are not in any way uncomfortable and dying to get back inside to warm up and get some sleep after a long day.

What we say: Please stop padding, it hurts.

What they hear: Keep on doing what you’re doing. I love that sharp pain of a claw digging into the most sensitive parts of my skin over and over. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

What we say: Scoot, please. I’m trying to get some work done.

What they hear: Continue to try and climb on top on the computer while we’re trying to get some work done. We have all the time in the world to get this project completed. Its success has absolutely nothing to do with us being able to buy you food or toys.

That’s all for now, but stay tuned! I’ll be sharing some more tomorrow. 🙂