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As promised, here is the second part of your handy human-to-pet translation guide. I hope this is helpful to you, especially those of you who are new to pet parenting. 🙂

I'm too cute for you to get made, right? Right?

I’m too cute for you to get made, right? Right?

What we say: Leave your brother/sister alone!

What they hear: Continue trying to bully the other animal/animals in the house. You are so much more important than any of them and don’t need to get to the food, either. They also are not trying to sleep in the spot you’ve decided you want or playing with a toy you’re trying to take from them first.

What we say: Could you please just hate me for one night?

What they hear: I don’t need sleep one bit. Please continue to walk back and forth across my side, mewing at me or purring in my ear.

What we say: Time for a bath.

What they hear: I am planning to torture you with water and make your life hell for the next few minutes. You may feel free to scratch me or attempt escape, causing more mess and trouble than it would’ve caused to begin with. Once the bath is over, feel free to shake the water off all over me or roll around on my furniture to dry off. If we’re outside, this means you are to immediately run off and roll around in the dirt.

What we say: Wanna go bye-bye?

What they hear: Wanna go bye-bye?

What we say: Want some Dinner/Breakfast/Treats?

What they hear: Want some Dinner/Breakfast/Treats?

What we say: Time for bed, come here and snuggle.

What they hear: Time for bed, come here and snuggle.

As you can see, I wasn’t kidding when I said they will twist your words their own advantage. Note how the last three items on this list are heard exactly as you say them, while all the others are distorted. Just like a child, they have chosen to hear those three correctly, while all the others are twisted into something that benefits them. Don’t be fooled by those innocent eyes and sweet looks you get, they know exactly what they’re doing. They also are fully aware that they are too cute to be mad at them for long. This is why they do it; they are better at the game than kids are! And people say that animals are dumb! I have seen far too many examples of their manipulative powers to believe that. Just like kids, they love to push limits and see how far they can test you until you decide to take action. Being the well-trained pet servants we are, we usually end giving in to make them happy. Maybe one of these days we’ll learn to stick to our guns no matter how many sweet/sad looks they give us. Who am I kidding? They own us.